R. Nolen Miller  

I should have known that there was a greater purpose for my life. When I was still but a whisper of life in my mother’s womb, my biological father tried to kill us both by shooting her. By some miracle, we both survived. And the life I am here to tell you about was allowed to begin. My life.

I had a pretty normal childhood, for America in the 70’s and 80’s. My mother and the man she married (who I consider to be my father in every way) stayed together long after they had given up on their own relationship. They stayed together for me and my sisters. So, although it was a rather dysfunctional situation, we children were well cared for and brought up well. I found my real niche in life through school athletics. Having many victories in track and field and football gave me an identity that was consistent with every American boy’s idea of success. It also gave me the considerable ego and pride that naturally comes from being admired as an athlete in this society.

To maintain the joy that I had gotten used to as a youth, I continued in the sport of football as a coach after my school years were over. This fed into my competitive spirit and love for the game. Football was a big focal point of my life, from which I derived a great deal of satisfaction.

After some years in the military, drinking alcohol became a much sought after diversion. I drank a lot, even after it landed me in jail. I liked to drink and party and do all the things that young men are led to believe is perfectly normal behavior. I was also a womanizer. My sexual addiction led me into many situations I should not have been in. But, like any other red blooded American, I thought the more sex I was having with the more women, the better a man I was. What a destructive lie we allow this society to drill into our heads. Well, as addictions go, I always looked for more, and became addicted to pornography and the philosophies regarding sexual behavior that pornography promotes.

I thought I was on top of my game. I was 35, in good physical condition, had a smooth little sports car, my own crib, a good job, a woman I loved, and still the freedom to do whatever I wanted. One night I exercised that right to do whatever I wanted. I lied to my woman about my plans, went out to party and entertain my deviate desires. The decision I took that night would, unbeknownst to me, shape the rest of my life.

I woke up a week later, unaware of who I was or where I was. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t eat, I had tubes coming out of my body everywhere I Looked. I had just woken up from a coma that I was not supposed to have been able to wake up from. Evidently, on my exciting night out on the town, I had been hit by an automobile while drunkenly running across the street to get the attention of a prostitute. The car hit me, instantly breaking my leg, forcing the bones to protrude through the skin in two places. Following the impact, the force threw my body up and my head went through the windshield of the car. I was then thrown back to the road, where my shoulder was dislocated and the skin was scraped off of various parts of my body. It was after 3 o’clock in the morning. Gratefully, the driver was able to call for help and I was air lifted to the hospital.

My fiancée stuck by me through all of this and describes my recovery, which I have very little recollection of. Suffice it to say that I had to learn everything over again, from the most basic functions. I was in the hospital for almost two months. I had to learn how to eat, use the bathroom, talk, think clearly, and later how to walk again.

After I came home to my fiancee’s apartment following the hospital stay, life was hard. I was happy to be home with her, but I hated the limitations I had as a human being. She had to lift me in and out of my wheelchair, drive me to work, do all the cooking and cleaning that I was unable to help with. It was so frustrating as a man who was so used to being “the man”, in control of everything. I was brought to a place where I realized that I had no control, and I realized that I never really had control when I thought I did. It was another of life’s illusions.

During these times, I struggled within myself, trying to come to terms with what had happened and what my identity was as a person, now that the temporary façade of my former identity was taken from me in a mere second. I fought off thoughts of suicide, wanting to live for my children’s sake as well as my fiancee’s. I thought about the things my fiancée had told me, how she had received emails from all over the world, parts of Africa and the Middle East, from people who were praying for me while I was in a coma. Complete strangers…praying for me. I thought about the rainbow that she had seen that first day as she drove across the bridge towards the hospital. She said it was the biggest, boldest rainbow she had ever seen. It stretched from ground to ground over the entire city of Tampa, the hospital being roughly right at the center point of the rainbow. She had cried when she saw it, not because she was sad, but because she knew that it was her sign from God that He was gonna hold me in His arms, it was gonna be okay.

As I thought about all these things, I began to ask God why I was here. I talked to Him often,yelled at Him sometimes, told Him all my frustrations, and asked Him to help me know what it all meant. I asked Him every day it seemed. One miraculous morning I woke up and all the answers were there. I just knew. God had completely emptied me of all the clutter that I had accumulated in my life, He stripped it all away, the house, the car, the perfect health, the ego, the deviate lifestyle, the addictions…all my earthly crutches. He took me back to my real self, the essence of who I really was on the inside…and then He filled up the emptiness of my heart with all the Love that He could give me. I felt such indescribable joy, such peace, such a clear sense of purpose. And I have been singing His praises ever since.

I knew almost instantly that my purpose was to talk to others about God and His Son, Jesus; and to share with others how I’ve come to learn that we are victims of a huge deception, and that the Truth is available to all of us. Whether working through prison ministry or whatever path God chooses to lead me, I will follow and share with as many as I can the amazing Truth of the Gospel. An athlete at heart, I am still running a race, Jesus is the rabbit, I follow Him around the track and I know He will lead me to victory.

Although I am still left with a handicapped arm, the rest of my body has been healed: and I have faith that when I am ready, the arm will be healed as well. According to the values of the world, I may have lost a lot. But I received so much more than I ever thought possible. And I’ve never been happier in my life. I am a living testimony to the Love of our Creator.

There is a story I have heard about me, when I was quite small, walking down the street with my family, and a man of God stopping to tell me that I was going to be a preacher someday. “All things work together for good for those who love the Lord.” I took a few dead end roads along the way, but my Father led me home.

If you honesty would like to change your life and know without a doubt that when you leave this world you will spend eternity with the Lord.

Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner, and I am sorry for my sin. I repent of it and I turn to you by faith right now. I thank you for dying on the cross for me and paying the price for all of my sins. I ask you to come into my life right now and be my savior my lord and my friend. Fill me with your holy spirit. Amen