A Maturity From Christ 

I grew up stern and unfaltering because my father was always overseas and my mother worked a full time job. As the eldest child and the only daughter in our entire family, I could never express weakness or vulnerability because I was expected to be strong, even when I felt emotionally dead. Beginning at the age of seven, the pressure was on me to hold the family together. I did this all while successfully hiding myself. My façade of endurance and maturity was originally meant to make me strong, however, it ultimately became my most difficult burden.

At the beginning of sophomore year, my family was broken, on the verge of an ugly divorce which only I seemed to know about. My brother, grandparents, aunts and uncles knew nothing and I couldn’t tell them. I was the only one who knew and because I found out on my own, I carried a burden that no one could understand. Weekly, I endured long discussions with my mother about my father, followed then by long discussions with my father about my mother. When I explained to them about how severely their relationship had broken me, they never understood.

Enduring through the pain, I fought to forget the troubles at home and I fought to be my family’s perfect daughter as well as my teachers’ perfect student. However, despite my efforts my grades still fell dramatically, life still seemed hopeless, and still no one knew. With no solace and a life which seemed to be forever hidden behind a façade, I broke. In this defeated state I turned to the Bible and found God. My life didn’t magically change and my pains were not instantly lifted. Instead, God broke me more, he emptied my heart completely so that it could be filled with His love and His comfort. The changes in my life came too late in the school year to help me academically; I ended sophomore year poorly, my GPA had dropped one entire point.

The summer following my sophomore year was a season of renewal. I spent much of my time in a small city in central China, called Wuxi. I “dormed” at the local high school in Wuxi and taught the local high school students English six days a week. In my free time I traveled the local dirt roads and shared the Gospel to anyone who would bless me with a moment of their time. Although the original purpose of my conversations with the locals I met was to share the Gospel, the locals ultimately shared with me more of their lives. Materially, so many people I spoke to had nearly nothing, spiritually, few had ever heard the Gospel, yet emotionally, these people were so strong, so inspiring.

The friends I made in Wuxi made me realize that every little thing is precious, that every opportunity was created to be savored. My adventures on the dirt paths of Wuxi taught me more about life than I had ever learned in any classroom. In just one summer, life’s crushing load was lifted from my burdened heart and abandoned so that I could be free to live a life worthy of the calling I had received. Since that summer, nothing has been able to faze me. My mentality has since been one of stubborn determination.

With these ambitions, I continue to prosper as a student. I no longer possess a façade of endurance and maturity. Instead, I now live a life that actively practices those qualities. All the strength I now have, I can only attribute to Christ Jesus.

Anonymous
6-20-04