Mark I.'s Testimony on Unselfishness Through Christ 

My wife and I got married when I was in the US Air Force. We started our family after a few years and eventually had 4 children, two boys and two girls. We felt it was important to have a full time Mom at home so that meant that I would work 2 jobs. I delivered pizzas for several years part time in the evenings and weekends.

For me, depression was a very sneaky thief because I never experienced a break down but after a period of time I noticed that I wasn't happy. I worked for a large company in Customer Service and liked my job. I was married and had four children. My wife and I became Christians within the first several months of our marriage and I thought my relationship with the Lord was good. However, I noticed that my conversations with my wife and children always seemed to have a biting tone to them. I felt the need to always have the last word, I was right, couldn't anyone see that? No one understood my feelings, I felt like I was being put upon and I couldn't understand why.

I had a real need to be right whatever the cost. It wasn't until after God broke through to me that I realized it didn't matter if I was right because many disagreements were over rather petty things and what did it matter anyway. I went the usual route in trying to overcome the depression by receiving prescription drugs but that didn't help at all. I did see a Christian counselor who understood spiritual warfare and then I was able to see what I was really risking if I didn't allow God to conquer this stronghold in my life.

I then realized that I wasn't loving my wife and children and I saw them everyday, how could I love God who I hadn't ever seen? I accepted that I had been living a very selfish existence. There are certain things I felt I was entitled too because I was the man or the Dad. I expected certain responses from my family and was disappointed when I didn't receive them. I had to ask forgiveness from God and my wife and family and they forgave me. I had to make it a matter of daily prayer to break the bondage that selfishness had over me.

I am more aware of the battle against selfishness and ask the Lord to gain victory over it should I fall into that pattern again. I really consider myself blessed because God heard the cry of my heart, He delivered me from the real possibility of losing what was most important to me, my wife and children. I would have missed the most exciting times in their lives if God didn't rescue me from myself.

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on the rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord." Psalm 40:1-3